i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
is that a dick in a sweater?
All the doctor said was why
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
