He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
