break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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