It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
