You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
