She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize