he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My bed smells like the plague
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
