I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
