Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
