I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
