I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You can't just leave with hair like that
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
