Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
