M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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