I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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