If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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