I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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