He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The feeling are messing with the penis
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
