Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
