u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
