you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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