dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I look better un-naked...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
