My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
