Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
