Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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