yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
