If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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