remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
