And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
