hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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