this beer tastes like vomit already
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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