Just cropdusted the office
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
