Is it normal to miss your booty call?
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
