why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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