When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Randomize
