areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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