Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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