If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
