Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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