i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
