I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
