So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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