i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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