I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
