I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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