My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
