3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
