I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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