There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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