I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
