Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
