Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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